[From an email I had written to author John Green on the 12th of June, 2013]
FIRE! KETAMINE! DEATH! COITUS!
Sorry for the radical subject line – I had the absurd idea that if I were to use some crazy subject line, then the chances of you reading this particular email in the sea of emails you must get every day would be better. I’m sure since you have millions of fans, there are others out there who have used their own forms of yellow journalism on you, but I am still hoping that mine in particular stands out to you.
Now, the real reason I am emailing you is to thank you for your writing. I have followed your masterpieces for many years and have recently read The Fault in Our Stars. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and thought it was brilliant – I am sad, however, that my lack of intelligence and sturdy philosophical opinions has prevented me from understanding all the deeper meanings and existentialism and thought provoking ideals that your book has to offer, but I am determined to wrap my head around all of it someday.
Also, it pains me that the timing of my reading of your book has stopped me from enjoying it more than had I read it, say, when it was first published. The reason for this is that at the moment, the stars between me and a particular boy, Alexander Hawkes, are extremely crossed. Although, like Hazel says, all great love stories really shouldn’t be shared, I am sharing mine with you. Alexander and I met on a certain video chat website called Omegle in early 2010 and reconnected several months later after I had a short episode of bad decisions. A romance sparked between us despite the fact that he was 19 and I was just turning 16 and the even bigger issue of him being in England and I in Los Angeles. Our love prevailed, leading to him visiting America on three different occasions up until last summer.
It was his 21st birthday in August and we were celebrating it in Las Vegas with my parents. On the night of his birthday he had excruciating pains and ended up in the hospital where we found out he had cancer. It was of the Patrick variety and we were told that although it wasn’t caught as early as it should have been, he would make it.
He returned to England, I started college, then he started chemo, I decided to go spend Christmas with him – all was well. In February we found out that he had a 4 inch tumor pressing against his right kidney and although it didn’t seem cancerous, it had to be removed. So it was removed. But surgical complications (I won’t go into too much detail) have prevented him from recovering. After I finished my final exams, I caught a flight to England and surprised him.
Ever since I have arrived here a little over four weeks ago, I have spent every day and every night in the hospital in a little cot by Alexander’s bed. With all the free time I had, I thought it would be the perfect time to read your novel. I didn’t know what it was about, but I knew it would be amazing. When I realized it was about a girl with cancer, I wanted to put it down and stop. But it wasn’t about a girl with cancer. I can’t explain what your book means to me because, frankly, I’m a shitty writer and can’t put into words the things that I feel or think, but everything you have written in this book means something to me and makes sense to me in a strange way even I don’t fully understand it.
Also, the physical similarities between Augustus Waters and my Alexander Hawkes are eerie. Tall, well-built, mahogany hair, wonderful blue eyes, a beautiful face. Then there’s another similarity, their underlying hamartia - the civil war raging within their bodies.
When I look at Alexander now and see how frail he is – how much is own body is destroying itself – how his laughter and smile (both crooked and goofy) are gone, I get…I don’t know, I get sad.
It makes me miss the days when we’d have conversations that would go like this:
Elizabeth says: (2:32:50 PM)
i have some sexy penguin pjs on
'Alexxanderr' says: (2:33:01 PM)
-_-
'Alexxanderr' says: (2:33:41 PM)
:)
Elizabeth says: (2:34:06 PM)
the two different faces send conflicting messages
'Alexxanderr' says: (2:34:29 PM)
lolll
'Alexxanderr' says: (2:34:36 PM)
not sexy
Elizabeth says: (2:34:54 PM)
but
Elizabeth says: (2:34:56 PM)
they're
Elizabeth says: (2:35:00 PM)
PENGUINS
Elizabeth says: (2:35:16 PM)
did you know that when penguins find their mate, they stay together forever?
'Alexxanderr' says: (2:35:57 PM)
wow
'Alexxanderr' says: (2:36:01 PM)
so penguins are like us?
Today doctors came in and said there isn’t too much they can do at the moment As another favorite author of mine wrote, the truth doesn’t glitter and shine, and like you’ve written, the world isn’t some wish granting factory. I'm a believer in the theory of the multiverse and would like to be living in the universe that I'm not in right now and instead in the one where there's no disease or distance or anything. But you and Palahniuk are both right and the truth is crappy and you don't always get what you want. It’s hard knowing I love a grenade but it’s also a privilege to know that I love someone so wonderful as Alexander.
Maybe in the future I'll be able to coherently write about me and Alexander or someone else will. It would be nice if our story is known - maybe I'm like Augustus Waters and want to leave my mark in the world like that, but in any way, it would be nice.
All in all, thank you for being a writer and for sharing your intelligence and creativity with the world.
Your fan for always,
Elizabeth Anne
